


there is love in your body (but you can't hold it in)

by Homeistheimpala



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: AU, M/M, sort of??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 11:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Homeistheimpala/pseuds/Homeistheimpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Camelot is an isolated kingdom where touching is forbidden. <br/>Which is fine until it is invaded by Balinor and along with Balinor come dragons and strange people and Merlin, a boy Arthur is not quite sure he can describe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	there is love in your body (but you can't hold it in)

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a ficlet i wrote for practise, it's not beta'd or anything

Camelot had been isolated from the rest of world for as long as Arthur could remember. Arthur knew nothing beyond the woods and every time someone tried to go deeper in, they would appear back to Camelot as if they’d come full circle. But people in Camelot were safe. Content. There were no invasions and no one new arrived and no one left. It was enough and it was Arthur’s. Arthur was meant to rule over them one day, as his father reminded him everyday. One day, after one too many goblets of mead, his father asked him, ‘Do you what it means to rule over these people?’

‘To protect, to keep their well being in mind. Without them, we would be nothing.’ Arthur had replied, as he had been taught to. His father’s laugh had been far too bitter.

‘Oh, my son. It is much more than that. Ruling isn’t so black and white. Nothing in this world is. You would do well to remember that.’

After that, his father’s eyes glazed over in that all too familiar way and all Arthur could do was nod at his father. It was the most comfort he could give him. His father let out a large sigh and sagged against his chair. After a moment of silence, Arthur got up and left.

-

It was Arthur who had found the boy and the girl. He had seen people like them before, who touched intimately in the cover of night, who took pleasure from it. Strange perverse people. They had jumped apart when they saw Arthur. The girl ran off but the next day, the boy was executed and his family had hidden themselves in shame.

The girl wasn’t seen again.

-

The invasion took everyone by surprise. One night, everyone was safe in their beds, the next morning was filled with blood and fire. There were people everywhere and they were foreign and so many of them, jostling together, standing side by side, swords raised. The people didn’t dare resist and the people were not harmed.

Arthur was awoken by a frantic Sir Leon, saying the kingdom was under attack and should he need it, Sir Leon’s sword was his.

Arthur shook his head, still in shock. Camelot could not simply be invaded. Who could have entered? He ordered Sir Leon to take the knights and make sure none of the civilians were hurt before hurriedly making way to the throne room, where Sir Leon had told Arthur his father would be.

And what a sight greeted him.

His father was on his knees, wearing a grin unlike any he had ever worn before. Towering over him was a man with black hair and harsh eyes. He held a sword to his father’s neck.

Both men turned to look at him when he burst through the doors.

The man’s eyes softened.

‘Arthur.’ the man whispered but the sound reached Arthur just fine. Arthur didn’t know how this man knew his name or how he got his father on his knees, he only knew that he was going to kill his father and Arthur couldn’t let that happen.

‘You don’t want to do that, son.’ the man said and Arthur wondered why he called him son. He wasn’t biologically related to him.

‘Let my father go before I cut you down where you stand.’ Arthur growled out.

A moment of stunned silence followed by a surprised laugh. The man looked at his father.

‘Well, he’s not as burned out on in the inside as I’d feared. There is hope for him. You, the other hand.’

‘I never asked for your mercy, Balinor. I’d rather die with my pride.’

‘Your pride.’ the man, Balinor, spat out, ‘Your pride is the root of all this. Your pride is what got Ygraine killed.’

His mother? Ygraine died at childbirth, if anyone killed her, it was Arthur.

A snap of Balinor’s fingers and Arthur was outside the throne room, the massive doors shut to him. He heard his fathers hysterical laughter and banged at the doors even after the sound was cut off.

-

Arthur didn’t know what he expected but it wasn’t this, it was never this.

Arthur was given his other room back, his command of the knights and his title as their leader. He was no longer Crown Prince and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that, if he felt anything at all. It was hard because these were emotions he’d, they’d, never felt before. Where there was calm, there was now overwhelming emotions, where there was quiet, there were busy markets. Where there were small smiles for reserved people, there were people touching freely and sometimes Arthur thought he was done for, because he wasn’t born to live this kind of life.

The people were perhaps more unreal. They were loud and brash and they touched a lot. They probably touched more in a day than Arthur had been touched his entire life.

There were embraces and hand holding and soft kisses of lovers on a sunny day. There were fights and brawls and good natured fighting. There were arms over shoulder, mindless touches that they didn’t pay much heed to.

The people were uncomfortable but they were adjusting and after a month, affections were given freely.

So far Camelot had existed but it seemed that Camelot was finally living.

-

The first time he’d been touched, it was Gwaine, one of Balinors knights, who’d done it. It was simple, a shoulder brush but Arthur had jumped away. Gwaine apologized and smiled.

-

If the people were strange, Balinor’s son was the stranger. Arthur had first made acquaintance with the Lady Morgana, his daughter, whom he felt perhaps more at home with because she was polite yet honest. She didn’t like touching much either.

Merlin however. Merlin was an entirely different story. Merlin was a puzzle Arthur was too frustrated to figure out.

Merlin was charming and he pulled Arthur in in a way that no one or nothing else ever had.

Merlin was smiles and light touches, Merlin was sunshine and over excitement, Merlin was somber and reading spells books at odd hours in the night.

Merlin liked reading in the field when Arthur was training. Merlin had no problem throwing his knights apples in between. When he glared at him, Merlin only grinned brightly.

When Merlin had first touched him, it felt so strange but it didn’t have that wrongness that most other people’s touches had. It was an innocent flick behind the ear, leaning in from behind to remind him of something or the other, Arthur could even remember later, when his fingers were tracing the patch of skin.

The first few touches were the same, new and good. If anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything about it.

Gwaine winked. Lancelot smiled. Leon was bemused but pleased. Gwen and Morgana collapsed in laughter when they figured it out.

‘Are you courting him?’ Morgana giggled out. Merlin was running short lines through the back of Arthur’s head, coming through his hair.

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about. Arthur, do you know what they’re talking about?’

‘All that apple giving, it’s no wonder nothing from that book ever goes in your head,’ Arthur replied, not thinking about the fact that this felt nice. Touches weren’t supposed to feel nice, but Merlin was different. Merlin’s eyes glowed gold and they made things move and he smart mouthed a dragon. Merlin was different.

As Merlin protested that it was a spell book and it was very important.

Life was okay.

-

Arthur was shaking. He’d never fought like that before, that adrenaline. The touching seemed to make everything five times worse. People grabbing him and so what if he’d beaten them? This wasn’t good, he felt filthy. He sat on his bed and took out his first aid kit. Nothing was broken.

A knock startled him and before he could cover himself, Merlin burst in and stopped short.

‘What happened to you?’

‘Bar fight.’ Arthur said consciously, folding his arms over his chest.

‘I specifically remember stationing Gwaine there. It is his domain.’ Merlin sounded close to hysterical and it was all Arthur could do not to mimic him.

‘Yes, well, Gwaine was off courting someone.’

‘You mean bedding someone.’ Merlin tutted. Arthur shrugged. It seemed like Merlin wasn’t planning on leaving so Arthur set about fixing himself up.

‘Can I?’ Merlin asked softly, now in front of him.

No.

Arthur stared at him then handed him the wet cloth. He felt vulnerable but it was okay because this was Merlin. And maybe, just maybe, he could get over this fear so he could live.

Merlin was cautious and intent, and after the first few instinctual flinches, Arthur settled himself down and concentrated on the touch, how it felt, tried to make himself familiar with it.

Half an hour later, all bandaged up and lying on his bed, he felt soothed.

‘Thank you.’ he said.

Merlin smiled and brushed a thumb over wrist before leaving.

-

His father’s death anniversary found him blocking everyone out. Leon was willing to spar with him at the crack of dawn when Gwaine told him to fuck right off thanks. He later came and joined them. He felt a hallowing grief and when it became too much, he sought out Merlin. He was having a very Merlin-less day.

He found him on the edge of the woods, muttering spells and making the leaf turn from yellow to orange to pink.

‘Doesn’t that hurt your eyes?’ he asked as he approached.

‘I don’t actually feel my eyes go golden.’

‘Not that, idiot. The bright colours.’

‘Oh, right. No, I like bright colours.’

He sat beside Merlin. They shared companionable silence, Merlin making the leaf blow around and nudge animals. The cat went insane.

‘I talked to your father today.’ Arthur said finally.

‘Did you?’ Merlin replied mildly.

‘Yes. About my father.’

The leaf dropped and the cat came out triumphant.

‘He was a bad man, wasn’t he?’ Arthur felt like a child.

‘It doesn’t matter now. He was still your father.’ Merlin said softly.

Arthur nodded, thinking about stories of magic and deals and how a man fell from love to hatred.

The arm around him felt odd and yet perfect.

-

Merlin liked Arthur’s hands. He said so himself, after minutes of just idly playing around with it.

-

The first time Merlin held him was when he woke up screaming about his father blaming him for his mothers death, oh god, there was blood everywhere-

-

It was the softest touch of lips, a small sigh escaping Merlin and yet, it felt oddly like coming home.


End file.
